The shock of losing you is gone and now I feel numb at times.Maybe being on an anti-depressant these last 4 weeks has helped.I am not taking my anger out on Scott and Grandma as I was before which is much better.But there is still an emptiness that is in my heart.Maybe with time something with fill that but right now it is there.I cry alone now because this sadness is between you and me and my need to see you,kiss you,hear you is my own pain of losing you my son and I don't want to share this.I feel comfort in thinking of you being with me in the spiritual sense at times.Other times I just keep it to myself how I am feeling-the sadness,anger,and tell myself it was your choice to leave-NOT MINE.. I think you know how I feel and that you want all of us to be happy now and not sad,but that is hard to do sometimes especially thinking that it is going to be one year ago soon that you left this world for us to never see you again...I am sitting here trying to remember all the days of 2006.From the time I went to Mexico to get you and bring you home to be tested to the day you left again Aug 14th or 15th.It has been over 2 years ago that I actually kissed and hugged you.I don't count touching you in the casket because you were gone and that body was no longer you.It just held all the things we loved which was you.You never personally met Thalia and God you would LOve her so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!Having her here is so much of a comfort and at times has really helped deal with losing you so much better..You see her but can't kiss or hug or touch her so I will do that for you.. I miss you and am trying to be happy for you baby. LOve Mom